Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
