My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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