Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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