I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
