I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
