May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
