My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
