Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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