dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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