Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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