it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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