He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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