I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
