She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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