After last night, I could never be a politician.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
