they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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