Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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