tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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