I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
