Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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