you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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