D3 body, D1 cock
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
