I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
