Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
