it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
