Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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