I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
