we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
