It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
