You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
