I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
