I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
