halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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