Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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