Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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