Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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