I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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