my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
