i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
