I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
