How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
