You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
