We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
