are you so shy because you have an std?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
