Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
