I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
