We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
50% drunk capacity currently
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
