I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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