the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
