I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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