true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
